- I was a sinner
- Jesus died for my sin
- Jesus was God’s eternal perfect Son
- God was Sovereign over all His creation
By God’s grace I was born into a Christian family,brought up in a very fundamental church and memorized scriptures from 3 years old. At age three I can remember lying on the grass looking into the clear blue summer skies and thinking about God. As I thought, I was amazed how He loved and sent His Son to die on a cross. Actually, I would even thank God for His Son. My father would answer my varied questions about God, and was delighted to do so. I must add at this point even with all this thinking and thanking I was not yet saved.
Even though I never committed any great sins, I was very much aware that because Adam sinned I was under the curse of sin and to die in this condition would mean an eternity banished from God. The Sun in the sky always reminded me just how pure and holy God was and I had to be perfect to be in His heaven. I had memorized many of the verses in scripture with the word “believe” but I could not understand that word because I always “believed” and as yet was not saved.
At age 6 by my own reasoning I decided, I “believe” so I must be saved and openly confessed this. However, from that time on I carried a heavy burden of my sin until age 15. I had been baptized joined the church, evangelized, read my bible and did all I could to live like a Christian. As I grew older the burden of my sin nature caused deep distress until finally I told my parents and the elders of my church I remained in my sins. They were totally astonished and tried to convince me that it was just a time of doubting. I would not listen because I knew I did not have God’s salvation and I wanted that more than anything else.
This part of the story, is the most joyful part of my life. I can say like Charles Wesley
“I woke the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose went forth and followed Thee.”
It happened one night sitting with my Christian mother, she was in tears and had quoted all the scriptures I knew so well, STILL NO LIGHT. This was the final question she asked, “If you were to die right now would you go to HELL?” My mind was stunned, it was like a bolt of lightening, I could not answer for a few minutes, when through the darkness came this wonderful light, no you do not have to be punished for your sin, God has already punished His Son, you are free!! (I mean a light within my soul, nothing visible ) At that moment I felt like “Christian” in Pilgrims Progress standing before the cross and his burden of sin fell off his back.
“No condemnation now I dread ;
Jesus and all in Him is mine,
Alive in Him my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ, my own. (Charles Wesley)
I now was perfect in the sight of God because I was clothed in the righteousness of God. The sacrifice of the Lord Jesus had reconciled me to God, taken me from the captivity of sin and placed me in the light of the kingdom of His Son. It was not very long on my Christian journey, I discovered I still had that sin principle working in my life. It was then I began to realize the work of Jesus at the cross also covered these sins. Finally I knew what “believe” meant. This word goes far beyond our human knowledge or reasoning. This is accomplished by the work of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit leads us to a point where we recognize we are condemned, we recognize our helplessness and our total dependence on God. At that point the Spirit reveals the light of the gospel and gives us the faith to trust in the propitiatory death of the perfect Lamb of God. Of course I did not understand all this at the point of my conversion but knew what had happened was something very powerful and it had made a spiritual change in my life.
My inward life totally changed, I thirsted to learn more about My Savior and my God through scripture and my church. My conversations were always about the bible. Sin in my life was very real and brought me to confess them before my tender loving Heavenly Father. Other believers still tried to convince me I had been converted previously, but I knew what I had now was real and from God.
To conclude, I would appeal to any who might read this posting. If you profess faith in Christ and struggle with the assurance your sins are gone, please get before God and make it a serious matter. When you are truly born of God you will be able to say like Paul :
~”for I know him whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that he is able to guard that which I have committed unto him against that day.”(2 Timothy 1:12 ASV)
If there are others who keep thinking about eternal things, the only answer is found in the Holy Scripture: Jesus says: ” I am the way, and the truth, and the life: no one cometh unto the Father, but by me. (John 14:6 ASV)